Teaching Math Through The Decades Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C", the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits? Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers. Teaching Math in 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60? Teaching Math in 2010: El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es..... Really, Really Bad Traffic * Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a tire without losing your place in line. * All across the country rush hour traffic is bumper to bumper. The next thing they'll be selling is anti-perspirant to put under your car's fenders. * Traffic is always heavy in both directions. There are just as many people trying to get to whatever you're trying to get away from. * You have mixed feelings when you see an opening in rush hour traffic. You're glad for the opening, but you wonder who died. * It's useless to print roadmaps anymore. You just get on the highway and go wherever the other cars take you. * The only way to get home from work on time is to take the day off...even then, you're cutting it close. * Traffic is so bad nowadays, a pedestrian is someone in a hurry. * You don't even have to brush your teeth anymore. Just get in rush hour traffic, smile, and let someone else's windshield wipers do all the work. * You can sit on the highways forever. In fact, some places have little exit ramps where you can pull over and make a car payment. * During rush hour the only way you can change lanes is to buy the car driving next to you. * Remember the good old days when traffic used to be bumper to bumper? Now it's windshield wiper to windshield wiper. SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS * Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. * Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. * Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings... they did it by killing all those who opposed them. * A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat. * If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation. * Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself. * We waste time, so you don't have to. * Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. * A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all. ** ~ Succeed in spite of management. ** ~ Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment. * We waste more time by 9:30 in the morning than other companies do all day. * You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you. * Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore. What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure. ~Gene Perret My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly. ~Welsh Proverb Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild. ~Gore Vidal Never have children, only grandchildren. ~Ogden Nash When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~Marcy DeMaree Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete. ~Lois Wyse If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first. ~Henry Youngman My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses .. Drinks right out of the bottle. ~Mary H. Waldrip Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old. ~Proverb You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. ~Dave Barry The best babysitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. ~Alex Haley Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. ~Joy Hargrove One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. ~G. Norman Collie Grandchildren don't make a man feel old; it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother. ~Authors Unknown Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren. Grandmothers are just antique little girls. It's amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one. A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside. Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies. Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever. The following came from an anonymous mother in Texas Things I've learned from my Boys: 1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy. 11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12.) Super glue is forever. 13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15.) VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. "Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taught Me" Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose. Just keep banging until someone opens the door. Making your bed is a waste of time. There is no good reason why clothes have to match. Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to. If your dog doesn't like someone, you probably shouldn't either. Toads aren't ugly, they're just toads. Don't pop someone else's bubble. You work so hard peddling up the hill that you hate to brake on the way down. If you stand on tiptoe to be measured this year, you'll have to stand on tiptoe for the rest of your life. You can't ask to start over just because you're losing the game. Chasing the cat is more fun than catching it. Make your mother proud of you. Hollywood Phrases Verbs to schmooze - befriend scum to pitch - grovel shamelessly to brainstorm - feign preparedness to research - procrastinate indefinitely to network - spread disinformation to collaborate - argue incessantly to freelance - collect unemployment Nouns agent - frustrated lawyer lawyer - frustrated producer producer - frustrated writer writer - frustrated director director - frustrated actor actor - frustrated human Compound words high-concept - low brow production value - gore entry-level - pays nothing highly qualified - knows the producer network approved - had made them money Financial terms net - something that apparently doesn't exist gross - Michael Eisner's salary back-end - you, if you think you'll ever see it residuals - braces for the kids deferral - don't hold your breath points - see "net" or "back-end" Common phrases You can trust me - You must be new It needs some polishing - Change everything It shows promise - It stinks rotten It needs some fine tuning - Change everything I'd like some input - I want total control It needs some honing - Change everything Call me back next week - Stay out of my life It needs some tightening - Change everything Try and punch it up - I have no idea what I want It needs some streamlining - Change everything You'll never work in this town again - I have no power whatsoever. AVIATION RULES AND REMINDERS * Takeoff's are optional. Landings are mandatory. * If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Unless you keep pulling the stick back...then they get bigger again. * Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous. * The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat. * The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. * Every one already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great landing.' It's one after which you can use the airplane another time. * The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival. * A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down – all of them trying to become random in motion. Helicopters can't really fly -- they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them. * Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. * There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing: Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. * The only thing worse than a captain who never flew as co-pilot is a co-pilot who once was a captain. * It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation. You start with a large fortune. * A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman. * Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs. * Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a fire hydrant what it thinks about dogs. HOW NOT TO COMMIT A BANK ROBBERY Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of would-be bank robbers. Pick The Right Bank: You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. Study Your History: Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans. Speak To The Right Teller: One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived. Don't Sign Your Demand Note: Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit. And in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number. Don't Advertise: A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while holding up banks. Go Easy On The Disguise: One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print. Take Right Turns Only: Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money. Be Aware Of The Time: Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived. Consider Another Line Of Work: Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly. Be Strong: Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside. Some humor from comedian Steven Wright: A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and.........ooooohhhhhh, that's much better... After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store...with a pricing gun...She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store." I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him..."Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me. I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish. I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by. I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator. I saw a sign at a gas station. It said "help wanted". There was another sign below it that said "self service". So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit. I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it. Older Than Dirt Quiz - Count all the ones that you remember - not the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom. 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles 5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive-6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Dowdy 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25.Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt! With the market in the turmoil that it is, these mergers may not be too far fetched... 1. XEROX and WURLITZER (They're going to make reproductive organs) 2. FAIRCHILD ELECTRONICS and HONEYWELL COMPUTERS (The new company will be called Fairwell Honeychild) 3. POLYGRAM RECORDS, WARNER BROTHERS and KEEBLER (The new company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker) 4. W.R.GRACE CO., FULLER BRUSH CO., MARY KAY COSMETICS, and HALE BUSINESS SYSTEMS (The company will be called Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace) 5. 3M and GOODYEAR (MMM Good) 6. JOHN DEERE and ABITIBI-PRICE (Deere Abi) 7. HONEYWELL, IMASCO and HOME OIL (Honey, I'm Home) 8. DENISON MINES, ALLIANCE and METAL MINING (Mine All Mine) 9. 3M, JC PENNEY and THE METROPOLITAN OPERA COMPANY (3 Penney Opera) 10. GREY POUPON and DOCKERS PANTS (Poupon Pants) 11. KNOTT'S BERRY FARM and THE NATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR WOMEN (The new company will be called Knott Now) 12. ZIPPO MANUFACTURING, AUDI, DOFASCO and DAKOTA MINING (The new company will be called Zip Audi Do-Da) 13. NETSCAPE and YAHOO (Net n'Yahoo - the Israeli branch) IF HISTORICAL PEOPLE WERE LOOKING FOR A JOB TODAY... * Julius Caesar: My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. * Jesse James: I can list among my experience and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks. * Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticized, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. * Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. * Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostile takeover. * Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. * Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. * Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion? * Lady Godiva: What do you mean, this isn't "business casual"? * Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? More Accurate Computer Related Acronyms PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity SCSI - System Can't See It DOS - Defunct Operating System BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control IBM - I Blame Microsoft DEC - Do Expect Cuts CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too. WWW - World Wide Wait MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs LOTUS - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.